A Time of Appreciation
By Frederic Luskin, Ph.D.
Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate the blessings with which we are surrounded. Not to diminish the importance of this holiday, but isn’t it strange that we don’t have regular celebrations to acknowledge the amazing privilege of being alive? Instead of coffee breaks, would appreciation breaks be more effective? If we all spent a part of each day appreciating our families, nature, the progress of science, the wonder of human birth, or simply the fact that we can think and learn, how would this affect our relationship to ourselves, as well as one another?
Appreciation is an antidote to the anxieties that plague our nervous system. The question of personal safety proves to be as relevant as to our feelings of self-worth and meaning. How we each pose and answer these questions reflect and determine the basic activity of our nervous system. When Mahatma Gandhi was asked what his top priority was, he replied, “My life is my message.” How he lived his life was his message. This is true not just for Gandhi but for each of us.
Our daily lives are a reflection on how we have responded to the question, “Am I safe?” Unfortunately, too many of us were raised to believe that life involves constant struggle. We grew up believing that luck played a large part in our success (or lack of it). We were bred with the notion that even hard work might not get us what we needed. As adults we suffer from an inability to appreciate what we have because of the struggle to survive consumes our attention.
While success in life clearly demands work, discipline and commitment are not incompatible with appreciation and gratitude. For example, many of us become stressed while driving. It is common to hear about the difficulty of navigating congested roads and dealing with inconsiderate drivers. It is socially acceptable to complain about the inconveniences and difficulties of driving.
What is missing in this experience is the appreciation of the many incredible blessings that lie below the surface. How often do we stop to consider the hard work that went into building the cars, roads and bridges that we travel on? How often do we stop and thank the human intelligence that went into developing automobiles, electric lights and air conditioning? How often do we thank the myriad of drivers with whom we share the road? We all notice and complain about the few times that drivers are inconsiderate. When was the last time you appreciated the fact that millions of people drive every day all across the country and stop at lights, signal for turns and generally respect the rules of the roads? As important, how often do we thank other drivers for putting up with our impatience and mistakes?
Inviting gratitude and appreciation into our daily drives dramatically changes our experience of driving and calms our nervous system. This appreciation does not diminish the work it takes to drive safely or the discipline it takes to tolerate delays and inconsiderate drivers. Appreciation simply means to put the effort and work into proper perspective by acknowledging the positive effort of others as well as our own.
Gratitude and appreciation are different lenses with which to view an experience we might have taken for granted. If we miss the opportunity to count our blessings, in how many other domains of our lives are we missing the same opportunity? Through the lens of appreciation the world is filled with incredible kindness and support. A life well lived is constantly aware of the myriad of beautiful things missed in the struggle to survive and be safe.
October 2011